Friday, March 30, 2012
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Baby Shower
Hi All;
Just an update, the girls (Hannah, Tina, Denise, and Gena) will be sending out the invitations to the baby shower very soon! The day is May 5, 2012. I'm very excited! It will be a couples shower... and kids are welcome! Its really just going to be a fun picnic outside! No games, but tons of fun! Just what I would like! Hopefully its beautiful! :)
Just an update, the girls (Hannah, Tina, Denise, and Gena) will be sending out the invitations to the baby shower very soon! The day is May 5, 2012. I'm very excited! It will be a couples shower... and kids are welcome! Its really just going to be a fun picnic outside! No games, but tons of fun! Just what I would like! Hopefully its beautiful! :)
Monday, March 12, 2012
Name Picked!
Grayson Force Henry
Yes, we decided on a name! Since I realized Ross was not going to give into Jackson and we both like this name AND it was Aunt Pooh's favorite name of our group... we chose Grayson! :) The middle name is Ross' family name that has been passed down to many men! :)
Less than 4 months until we get to meet our little Gray man!
PS... No one call him G-Force or Ross will make me change the name! :)
Thursday, March 8, 2012
6 months! 4 to go!
This week I had my 24 week check up aka 6 months! Wow, I can't believe I have been pregnant for 6 months... Monique and I were joking we should go to an AA meeting and get a pin for 6 months sobriety! :)I'm so conflicted with this pregnancy. I want to enjoy it, but am so damn sad most of the time that I can't seem to be excited anymore. I have 4 months to go and Aunt Pooh has 3 months to live. The math just isn't in my favor. Some times I just think I wish time would stop and then I'm like... I can't be pregnant forever!
I also can't help the feeling that I don't want to annoy people with talk of me too much so I'm probably just going to keep to myself for a little while. Lay low, especially this weekend. Normally I would talk to Aunt Pooh about my pregnancy stuff but right now she is consumed with what is going on with her and I feel like I'm being selfish if I talk about me. I tried talking to some friends but I would start talking and kept getting interrupted by different stuff so I didn't really feel like they REALLY wanted to know. lol... They just asked to be polite... and it made me think I was being the debbie downer... sooooooooo another reason I am just going to keep to myself for a while.
Anyways, I'm feeling him kick a lot. My back is starting to ache a little and I think I had my first taste of acid reflux the other day. So, I am getting some of the pregnancy symptoms people talk about all the time!
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Pancreatic Cancer
So, last Thursday,... less than a week ago, Aunt Pooh learned she has Pancreatic Cancer. She has a large (6cm spot) on her pancreas but it has spread also to her liver, lymph nodes along her aorta, femur, hip, and spine. :-( She has been given three months live... maybe longer with chemo.
Now, if you are reading this... then you probably know me... and if you probably know me... then you probably know how head over heels in love with my aunt I have ALWAYS been. This is the Aunt that bought my the coach diaper bag I showed you in a previous post. ;-)
She has always been the absolute best to me. I grew up with a single workaholic mother and often times felt very much alone. I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad, but its definitely true. My aunt always had a way of making me feel special. She would spoil me rotten on a pretty regular basis. I remember when I was 8, I flew out to Nevada by myself for the first time to visit her. I was soooooooo in love with her, I demanded that she take me to get a haircut so that I could look just like her. I remembered just thinking that she is what I wanted to be like. Now, Aunt Pooh did have a SHORT haircut and my grandfather called me Steve when I got back, for it seemed like forever... :-)
When my grandfather passed away a few years later, I was devastated. He was my entire world. I remember feeling like no one would ever love me like he loved me. I was heart broken and devastated. Aunt Pooh was the person that stepped into my life even more to fill that void. It was during her trip home for the funeral that she taught me the expression "Just charge it." :)
In the years that followed my brother and I would visit her yearly. After a while, it was just me visiting her but I loved that even more because I got her all to myself. We could do girly things and watch girly movies and talk about SHOES! We both share an extreme passion for shoes and purses... and most recently we have bonded over decorating.
A few years ago I lost another extremely important person in my life, my grandmother. She had been sick for a little while, but not too long. I took for granted that she would get better because I was naive to her age and illness. But again, I had Aunt Pooh there to curl up in bed and cry for the loss of a woman that raised both me and her.
Everyone asks me how I am feeling these days... mostly sad, but kind of angry. I'm not going to have her with me during this difficult time, like she was with my grandparents. I'm not going to have her for Christmas or Thanksgiving... I have always wanted to have this family that I see my friends have. I have wanted a family that makes time for each other during the holidays and travels to see you or even just makes sure they call. I have,since turning into an adult (recently), tried to reach out to people and invite them to our house, but I haven't had much luck. It always hurts my feelings, but in the end I was grateful that I had Aunt Pooh. She always made sure to try to spend every holiday that she could with me. If I invited her and she COULD make it, she did. Heck! She even came for my housewarming party!
Really, I feel so sad for my child... he deserves someone that will make time for him.... that will inconvenience their life to make his happier. His loss is what I find myself crying for daily. I have said all of this to Aunt Pooh and her response is just that Ross and I will need to be the ones to shower him with love and affection.
The most difficult part of ALL of this is that the person I would normally talk to about what I'm feeling and thinking would be her and because I don't want to upset her or she get upset by something I say, I don't have anyone to talk to about this. I know I have Ross, but being that he is a guy, he isn't very insightful and most of the time I can tell he is uncomfortable with this. I also know I have 100 friends that have offered their ears, but I just can't bring myself to tell them everything that I am thinking. Plus, I can't help but think they will get sick of hearing me talk about this for the next however many months. My stepmother has been wonderful though. Her mom just went through a lot of what Aunt Pooh is going through and passed away in November, so its nice to hear advice from her and she calls regularly so I know she cares not only about me, but about my aunt which makes me feel good.
Anyways... I wanted to see if writing this down would help me feel better... I guess we'll see.
Now, if you are reading this... then you probably know me... and if you probably know me... then you probably know how head over heels in love with my aunt I have ALWAYS been. This is the Aunt that bought my the coach diaper bag I showed you in a previous post. ;-)
She has always been the absolute best to me. I grew up with a single workaholic mother and often times felt very much alone. I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad, but its definitely true. My aunt always had a way of making me feel special. She would spoil me rotten on a pretty regular basis. I remember when I was 8, I flew out to Nevada by myself for the first time to visit her. I was soooooooo in love with her, I demanded that she take me to get a haircut so that I could look just like her. I remembered just thinking that she is what I wanted to be like. Now, Aunt Pooh did have a SHORT haircut and my grandfather called me Steve when I got back, for it seemed like forever... :-)
When my grandfather passed away a few years later, I was devastated. He was my entire world. I remember feeling like no one would ever love me like he loved me. I was heart broken and devastated. Aunt Pooh was the person that stepped into my life even more to fill that void. It was during her trip home for the funeral that she taught me the expression "Just charge it." :)
In the years that followed my brother and I would visit her yearly. After a while, it was just me visiting her but I loved that even more because I got her all to myself. We could do girly things and watch girly movies and talk about SHOES! We both share an extreme passion for shoes and purses... and most recently we have bonded over decorating.
A few years ago I lost another extremely important person in my life, my grandmother. She had been sick for a little while, but not too long. I took for granted that she would get better because I was naive to her age and illness. But again, I had Aunt Pooh there to curl up in bed and cry for the loss of a woman that raised both me and her.
Everyone asks me how I am feeling these days... mostly sad, but kind of angry. I'm not going to have her with me during this difficult time, like she was with my grandparents. I'm not going to have her for Christmas or Thanksgiving... I have always wanted to have this family that I see my friends have. I have wanted a family that makes time for each other during the holidays and travels to see you or even just makes sure they call. I have,since turning into an adult (recently), tried to reach out to people and invite them to our house, but I haven't had much luck. It always hurts my feelings, but in the end I was grateful that I had Aunt Pooh. She always made sure to try to spend every holiday that she could with me. If I invited her and she COULD make it, she did. Heck! She even came for my housewarming party!
Really, I feel so sad for my child... he deserves someone that will make time for him.... that will inconvenience their life to make his happier. His loss is what I find myself crying for daily. I have said all of this to Aunt Pooh and her response is just that Ross and I will need to be the ones to shower him with love and affection.
The most difficult part of ALL of this is that the person I would normally talk to about what I'm feeling and thinking would be her and because I don't want to upset her or she get upset by something I say, I don't have anyone to talk to about this. I know I have Ross, but being that he is a guy, he isn't very insightful and most of the time I can tell he is uncomfortable with this. I also know I have 100 friends that have offered their ears, but I just can't bring myself to tell them everything that I am thinking. Plus, I can't help but think they will get sick of hearing me talk about this for the next however many months. My stepmother has been wonderful though. Her mom just went through a lot of what Aunt Pooh is going through and passed away in November, so its nice to hear advice from her and she calls regularly so I know she cares not only about me, but about my aunt which makes me feel good.
Anyways... I wanted to see if writing this down would help me feel better... I guess we'll see.
One Step Closer...
Below are our top 5 names. They are in no particular order (except my favorite is number 1)...
1. Jackson
2. Lincoln
3. Hunter
4. Mason
5. Grayson
1. Jackson
2. Lincoln
3. Hunter
4. Mason
5. Grayson
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